


Can't Be Chill

by revlark



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Be More Chill au, F/F, Fluff, Humor, I quote bmc a lot, M/M, Obliviousness, Slow Burn, chapters are the titles of the song, jane/roxy is main ship, no one is straight, no prior knowledge of bmc needed, rest are pretty minor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-15
Updated: 2017-10-18
Packaged: 2018-11-01 02:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10912215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revlark/pseuds/revlark
Summary: Jane Crocker has gotten pretty used to the loser life with her best friend Roxy Lalonde. But when an unlikely source gives her an even more unlikely thing to boost her popularity, she has to decide: is it really worth it?





	1. More Than Survive

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my weirdest ideas lol... This will diverge from the plot of bmc especially at the end. No prior knowledge of the plot is needed, though I do suggest you listen to the musical. If enough people ask, I'll include a link on how to listen to the audio/read the script. I hope you enjoy, and leave a bookmark/comment/kudos if you can! :)

Jane groaned at the loading computer screen. "C'mon, go, go!" She muttered, annoyed. The Internet in her house was extremely slow today, and she couldn't load Pesterchum to talk to her best friend Roxy as she normally did.

As the computer notified her that it couldn't open Pesterchum for the fifth time she ran her hand through her short dark hair and sighed. She knew that her disrupted morning routine would bother her and make her uncomfortable all day. 'But hey,' she thought idly to herself. 'Uncomfortable is my normal self.'

Letting out one last groan, she pushed the computer chair out and got up. She was already dressed, and so decided to open the door before her little brother John started to knock at the door to let her know to get out. Jane jogged down the stairs, joining John who began his normal stream of chatter. She vaguely recognized it as being about an action movie, maybe Pacific Rim or something? She mostly tuned him out, being sure to let out the occasional hum of agreement so that he'd think she was paying attention. Jane loved John, she really did, he was just a bit...overwhelming at times.

Despite knowing what sight was going to greet her, she glanced over at the couch. She felt a part of her sink as she was greeted by the all-too familiar sight of their father sprawled out sleeping on the couch, pantsless as always. Ever since he and their mom divorced, he hadn't really done anything else, and now didn't even have a job.

Jane went into the kitchen, grabbing a banana for herself and an apple for John. She threw the apple at John, and he caught it without letting up on his talk. Then, she picked up her backpack and, making sure her little brother had his, headed out the door.

She briefly wondered if they should walk or take the bus to school, before deciding on the bus. The two Crocker-Egbert siblings sat in their usual seat, right behind the driver so that they didn't get picked on by the cruel kids in the back. Jane had learned her lesson last year, when then-freshman John was manipulated by that weird Vriska girl. 

Jane felt her stomach fill up with dread for the upcoming school day, and her entire face went red as it did when she was nervous. As her friend Roxy's half brother Dave says, a junior and a sophomore such as the Crocker-Egberts on the bus alone are "killer weak". She wished she had the skill to be as fine, cool, and chill as he was in the face of their weirdly predatory peers at school. 

She shared this with John, and he agreed. "I don't want to be a hero," she said. "I just want to stay in the line."

"We'll never be Rob DeNiro, but for me Joe Pesci is fine!" John said. She didn't really understand the terminology, but she understood the sentiment. 

"I don't want to be special here, I just want to survive this school." Jane replied. By then the bus had pulled in, and the students around them were swarming to get out, screaming "come on!" and "go!" at them. 

\---------------

"Anything new?" Vriska drawled at the school's resident gossip, Dirk Strider. He claimed he did it ironically, but she didn't care so long as he knew everything going on at all times.

"The usual. Eridan confessed to Feferi, was rejected, and is pissy about it." Dirk said, monotonous as usual.

"How is your weird brain scan doing? You're calling it Hal, aren't you?" Vriska asked, bored. She didn't really care, she really just wanted to know everything that was happening in the school.

"Fine. He's gaining more independence." Dirk replied. And that was that. They weren't friends, more allies. Dirk gave Vriska information, she made sure his...the object of his infatuation wasn't picked on. A mutually beneficial allyship.

As he walked away, she noticed one of the losers of the school watching them. She and Dirk shared their infatuation with a certain someone, Vriska knew. She smiled at the loser (Jane, was it?) before pulling a face. She watched, satisfied, as the girl looked terrified and turned away.  
\--------------

As Jane turned away from the terrifying Vriska, she bumped into someone. Someone who gave off a lot of rage for a boy so little. 

"Watch where you're going, tall ass!" Karkat yelled. Jane tried to apologize and point out that she wasn't that much taller than him but he ran off to Dave before she could. 

Jane shook her head and turned her attention to navigating the halls without making any eye contact at all. She tried her best to remain unseen, and noticed a poster on the wall. It was a signup for the after school play, she saw as she got closer. Jane was almost tempted to sign up, but then remembered that would mean basically a free pass for being mocked relentlessly and resisted. 'Nope, not that, end scene to that.' She thought, and turned a left. And there was......

Jake. Jake English. Oh my God, any entity out there wanted for her to explode, she swore. He was walking with Dirk, who, as she would have noticed if she wasn't so blindsided, was actually wearing a small smile. 

Jane walked hurriedly past them, but Jake must've heard her freaked out muttering.

"Did you say something?" He asked politely.

"I....um. Urgh." Jane said intelligently, and ran off, red as a tomato. 'I'm going to die without ever having a date.' She thought, annoyed at herself.

\------------

The rest of the morning was decent. When she went down to lunch, she scanned the crowd for her best (.....and only) friend.

When she spotted her, she has never been so glad to see Roxy. "Roxy!" She called out.

"Hey! How's my buddy, how's it hangin? Lunch is bangin! I got sushi, a slushee, and more!" Roxy said to an obvious rhythm.

Jane rolled her eyes. "You're listening to one of Dave's raps to check it over, aren't you?" She didn't even have to ask.

"Yeah, that was the end. How was class?" Roxy paused, looking her over. "Oh, you look like ass. What's wrong?"

"I wrote Jake a letter telling him how I feel."

"That's progress!"

"....I flushed it down the toilet."

Roxy groaned dramatically, crying "Jaaaaane!!"

"What? That's still progress!" Jane squeaked defensively.

"Yeah, whatever. You know, I saw on Discovery that humanity has stopped evolving!" Roxy said excitedly, waving around her slushee that Jane was sure had at least some alcohol inside.

".....I'm supposed to be happy about this why, exactly?" Jane inquired suspiciously.

"Well, evolution's survival of the fittest. Now that that's gone, that means there's never been a better time in history to be a loser! Now, why don't you stop worrying and-" Roxy rambled before Jane cut her off.

"Sign up for the school play."

"--I was going to say get drunk in my basement but...you do you?" Roxy said, confused.

"No, look! Jake's signing up for the school play!" Jane said excitedly.

Roxy practically pushed her off the bench. "Go, go, sign up too!"

Jane took a deep breath, smiled at Roxy, and headed to the signup. She took a shaky breath and thought 'Who cares if people say I'm lame? Jake signed, I'll do the same!'

Jane reached out, and signed her name carefully. She felt the whole school's eyes on her. She froze and ran out of the cafeteria, Roxy calling after her.

She was never going to be cool, just the one left out. Of all the characters at school, she wasn't the one the story was about. 

"Why can't I find someone to help me out?" She muttered, feeling hot tears begin to slide down her face. "Someone to teach me to...more than survive."

If this was an apocalypse, she'd be pretty good at surviving. But she wanted to do more than that. She wanted to do well on this test of life, not just pass. 

The lunch bell rang. The period was over. Oh well.


	2. Jake Loves Play Rehearsal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake infodumps about play rehearsal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blame my moirail for this. Also, some notes:  
> -Roxy and Rose are biologically sisters, Dave is their stepbrother, and Dirk is their cousin.  
> -Jake and Jade are siblings, so are John and Jane. There is no relation between the two families, although they have a history of being family friends.  
> -Dave's dad died a year after marrying Rose and Roxy's mom, and left Dave a house to live in when he's older. Dave's Bro, (the Bro in the original timeline, and is just as abusive) lived there until he went on the run from the cops. This will be a bit important later.

After school, Jane headed towards John's locker. She had to tell him he'd have to walk or take the bus home alone, after all.

"Hey bud. How was your day?" Jane asked her little brother (though, to her annoyance, he was now a bit taller than her).

John grinned. "Oh, it was great! We got assigned a science project, and Jade's my partner! We're determined to get the best grade of the class!"

Jane chuckled a bit at John's enthusiasm. "Well, I hope you do, but remember that takes work. Don't just fool around with Jane, or let Dave or Rose distract you! I know how competitive those two are. I'm guessing they're partners, as they're siblings?"

"Nah; Dave's with Karkat and Rose is with Kanaya. They always pair up like that nowadays." John said, obviously confused as to why this was happening. Jane smiled a bit at that; it was a family trait to be oblivious. She just hoped he wouldn't be too blindsided when the two Strilondes finally revealed to him their reasoning. John could often be caught off guard with surprises, and had a habit of sticking his foot in his mouth when doing so.

Jane shook her head a tiny bit to clear it. She then made an agreeable humming sound. "I'm going to stay after a bit for play rehearsal. You can stay here and I'll text you when it's done, or you can go home alone; either way's fine with me."

John thought for a moment. "I think I'll head home with Dave and Rose. Jade's in her gardening club, and even if she wouldn't, she'd stay after with her brother."

Jane flushed the tiniest bit at the Jake mention at the end. "Ok well off I go bye John I love you bye!" She said quickly, hurrying away to the cafeteria, where rehearsal was held. 

Although she was a few minutes late, she was only the third arrival; as expected, Jake was there, and was accompanied by Dirk. Dirk wasn't usually in plays, but he was generally in tech crew. Jane quickly put her backpack on one of the benches and went over to join them, though she made sure to stand a bit on the edge so she wouldn't, you know, look like a creeper and an invader of privacy. 

Jake was saying something about a movie to Dirk, who was listening, but acting cool about it. "-and you know I love Avatar, but I'm still very concerned about the new theme park! What if it's not all it's cracked up to be?!" Jake then noticed the newcomer. "Oh, why hello there Jane! Say, do you know what the new play is going to be? I haven't the faintest idea!"

Jane opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by Dirk. "Why does your backpack say 'girlf'." He said, so deadpan it was barely a question. 

"Oh, uh, uh, so-some people draw 'girlf' on my backpack and 'riends' on Roxy's to make fun of us." Jane explained. They were both a bit flustered when it first happened, but were now so used to it that she hadn't even noticed until Dirk had pointed it out. 

Jake frowned. "Well, it's none of those people's business what the extent of you two's relationship is! That's absolutely ridiculous, that's what it is!"

"O-oh really, it's n-not that big of a deal! Really, we're used to it!" Jane sputtered.

"Well, it's still utter hogwash!" Jake huffed. 

"B-back to what you were saying, no, I don't know what the play is." Jane said, answering Jake's previous question.

"Don't look at me." said Dirk. "They don't have it stored anywhere I can hack, and it seems no one but Mr. H and the principal know, probably because no other member of the staff care." Jane thought that that was the longest time she'd ever heard him speak for.

"Well, it doesn't even really matter to me!" Jake exclaimed. "I just really love play rehearsal! It's really fun. I get so depressed when it's done."

He then waved his hands about. "Well, no, not depressed- just extremely sad. I'm not depressed. I'm just really passionate about this stuff! I'm passionate a lot, about most anything. The standard things, like gun control and stuff, and then things like spring and if I'm living up to who I'm meant to be. Wow, that got kinda deep there!"

Jake chuckled before frowning. "Wait, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah! I just love play rehearsal. You're equipped with actions and text; life is easier in rehearsal, because you always know what's coming next! Anyway, what I'm getting to is that life doesn't always work out in your way, while it always does in the play!

"It's the only time I'm the center of attention, like when I played Enjolras in Les Mis! Oh, can I mention that was one of my best roles, I believe? Did you see that, Jane?" Jake asked.

"Oh...no, sorry." Jane replied sadly, and could hear something that sounded like Dirk muttering 'I saw it.'

Jake made a shrug and said "Well, either way. It's nearly impossible for me to narrow down all of the reasons why I love play rehearsal no matter how hard I try! I can barely hold myself back from crying of happiness when it starts, if I'm being honest. It's just so universal, playing all of the parts! 

"Most people only do one thing all of their lives, but the thought of that-" Jake shuddered. "--urgh, it gives me hives, I swear! I just have so many interests I want to pursue!"

Jake paused for a second. "Why am I telling this to you?" Then, he shrugged. "Huh, I guess a part of me wants to! Well, sorry for majorly infodumping there, Jane! Normally I just infodump on Dirk."

Jane quickly shook her head. "Oh, no it's fine!"

Dirk spoke up. "I don't mind either. I like hearing about your interests."

Jake just looked at him a bit, flushing, and Dirk began to flush as well under his attention, before Jake began to speak again. "W-well anyways! Back to play rehearsal! My heart is so happy, because we're starting now to my knowledge, correct?"

As Jake had been speaking, more students had slowly begun to enter the cafeteria. Jane was surprised to see Dave and Rose there, looking as though they'd been dragged in by Karkat and Kanaya respectively. 

"Is John going home alone, then?" She asked her brother's two friends and Roxy's siblings. 

"No, he's waiting for you and Jade." Rose answered, soothing her worries.

"We just kinda got ambushed by those demon-goblins." Added Dave, referring to Karkat and Kanaya, which led to Kanaya laughing and giving a little wave and Karkat flipping him off, the latter reaction leading to Dave smiling a tiny smile.

Jane rolled her eyes and let the two Strilondes converse with their obvious crushes. Jake, meanwhile, had climbed onto the stage and was now addressing the club as a whole. 

"I realize that Mr. H is not currently present, but as the student president of the theatre club, I propose that we-" Jake was cut off in his proclamation by Mr H. entering through the cafeteria doors, looking hungover and/or high as usual.

"Get off the stage, English." The odd teacher called.

Jake ignored this direction: Mr. H didn't care. "Sir, what will the school play be this fall?" He inquired.

Mr. H took a long swig out of the mysterious thermos he carried around; he called the contents Alive Juice, and nobody knew if it was alcohol or coffee or something else entirely. "A Midsummer Night's Dream-" he began, and Jake and a few others gasped before he finished with. "--but we didn't have the money for it so now we're doing it but with zombies."

"WHAT?!?????!???" Jake and some others screeched, but Jake was the loudest. "Sir, we can't do that! It ruins the original work!" He continued explaining how they shouldn't, no, couldn't do that, pacing the stage as he went, getting worryingly close to the edge. Dirk strategically placed himself so that he could attempt to catch the other boy if he fell. 

"English, we're doing it and you're dealing with it." Mr. H interrupted Jake's rant and went into his office off of the cafeteria, leaving the students alone. 

Jake still looked upset, but made it through the rest of the meeting scheduling different meetings and rehearsals and auditions.

Jane couldn't help but wonder: would Jake still love play rehearsal if this continued?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Plot starts next chapter! Be sure to tell me what you think of this story! :)


	3. The SQUIP

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plot begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter! Feel free to leave a kudos/comment/bookmark if you enjoy it! Chapter warning for mention of suicide. Stay safe!

At the end of the next day, Jane ran up to John and ruffled his hair, taking out and opening her thermos filled with tea."Hey John! How was school?"

John pushed her hand away from his hair and replied. "Oh, just great!! We started-"

Just then, someone barreled past the Crocker-Egbert siblings, spilling Jane's tea on her cardigan. Hissing a soft curse under her breath, she looked up to see if she could identify the individual, but they were gone, and she could only recall a blur of gray.

"Are you okay Jane???" John asked, worried.

"Don't worry, I'm alright. Do you mind if I quickly go into the girl's room to clean up, or at the least dry off a bit?" Jane lifted the edge of her cardigan a bit, inspecting the stain. It wasn't too big, she supposed; shouldn't take too long to clean up. 

"That's fine! I'll just wait here by the lockers." John smiled, all traces of worry disappearing from his generally happy face. Jane gave an answering smile at who she considered the greatest little brother ever and hurried off to the girl's bathroom.

\------------------------------

 

After cleaning and drying the majority of the stain, Jane was getting ready to leave the bathroom when a familiar gray blur rushed in. She was going to tell them off when she realized it was...Karkat?

He didn't seem to notice her, and slammed his bag on the floor before rummaging around in it, taking out a tube of concealer and...Mountain Dew? Jane didn't know Karkat too well, but even she had to admit this was rather odd.

He lathered the concealer on the white spots on his face and arms, a symptom of his vitiligo, and took a swig of the Mountain Dew, grimacing. He didn't seem to notice her, and she was inching toward the exit, planning on forgetting this ever happened (after telling Roxy, of course) when the boy looked up and they made awkward eye contact.

Jane elected to ignore two out of three of the odd situations she was presented with. "Why are you in here? This is the girl's bathroom." She inquired, and then mentally backtracked. "Well, like, gender doesn't really matter and these things and hey you could be a trans girl or nonbinary and that's fine I'm sorry if I-"

"I'm not allowed in the boys bathroom." Karkat muttered.

"...what?"

"Look, ok, I don't have to explain this every fucking time- I am a guy. But because that's not what this GODAMN stupid MOTHERFUCKING society assigned me to be, I'd rather go in the the bathroom where I get asked annoying, invasive questions than the one where the assholes would beat me up because I'm not up to their hypermasculine standards-because GOD FORBID one of us actually be happy with a part of how we fucking are- because the questions, while annoying as all hell, is better than getting the shit regularly being beaten out of me for having the AUDACITY to try and PISS." Karkat ended his rant with a world class glare at the wall.

Jane blinked once, then twice. She didn't know what to say, really, and suspected that the rant was not all for her, and the only thing she could think to say was 'I'm sorry' and she didn't think Karkat would really appreciate that, so she decided on "I get the concealer, but why the Mountain Dew?"

Karkat blinked a bit owlishly, quite obviously forgetting she was there, before his eyes...turned...blue?

Not all blue, but it was definitely there, the oddly red-brown hue ringed with a nearly glowing blue color. "Oh, well... do you remember when I was in freshman year?" He asked, and Jane had the odd, chilling feeling to run away, that this THING is not Karkat, before swallowing it down. Stupid anxiety.

"Uh....yeah?" Jane replied suspiciously, vaguely wondering what the hell was going on, why was this boy she barely knew reminiscing to her?

"Freshman year, I hardly had any friends, or a clue. I was a loser, just like you. Good times would only soar by. I was gross, everybody can attest. Past me was so lonely. Poor guy. I was helpless, hopeless, etcetera. Every time I walked the halls I would trip. I was stagnant and idle, and oh so suicidal. But then..." He trailed off.

"...then?"

"I got a SQUIP."

"...you got quick?"

Karkat rolled his eyes, the blue briefly disappearing. "No, idiot. A SQUIP!"

"I'm sorry, I've just never heard of it." Jane apologized, wishing she'd ignored Karkat's weirdness and absconded from this place.

"That's the point! This is some top-secret, can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-Internet shit!" His eyes regained that odd blue ring. "It's from Japan, or somewhere around there. It's in the form of a gray oblong pill. Quantum nanotechnology CPU. The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and tells you what to do."

Jane hesitated for a moment. "So...it's drugs?" Was she really being sold drugs by one of the most incompetent drug dealers in the history of drugs?

Karkat-well, she still wasn't sure it was him anymore, smiled, but it didn't reach his oddly colored eyes. "It's better than drugs, Jane. It's from Japan, or somewhere around there. It's in the form of a gray oblong pill. Quantum nanotechnology CPU. The quantum computer in the pill will travel through your blood until it implants in your brain and tells you what to do."

Jane was unnerved by this, and the repetition especially. He seemed to have an inhuman aspect to his voice now. 

"It's preprogrammed. It's amazing. It speaks to you directly through your brain. You'll be aided by its appraising. It'll help you to behave correctly. It'll help you...rule."

"What?!?" Jane squawked.

"Ignore that part. Picture this: nobody cares if you're late because teachers think you're great. Not all of your problems will disappear, but you can focus on a particular person, whether romantically or platonically, to bond with, as I did." Definitely not Karkat. Not even he would overshare this much.

Jane decided to push the boundaries, though she still had no idea what was going on. "Who did you focus on?"

Karkat snapped back to himself. "NO ONE I mean no one YOU know shut up now." He rambled, blushing, before the thing cut him off and took over again.

"Going back to the SQUIP's attributes, you're weekends will be full of people wanting to hang out with you; teenage rockstars and their many splendors. Right now you're helpless and almost hopeless, on the school social map you're just a blip. However, if you take my advice and pay the listed price, you'll go from boring to interesting to hip; your whole life will flip when you buy a SQUIP." The...thing inside Karkat said, pressing a paper into her hand before snapping back to Karkat. 

The boy looked at her, horrified for whatever reason, before running off. Jane wondered if she'd actually been talking to his SQUIP. 

She looked at the paper as she walked out of the bathroom to John. It read 'see Gamzee Makara outside of the Payless shoes store for a SQUIP. Price: $300.'

"Three hundred dollars!!! That's all of my bat mitzvah money!" Jane exclaimed, stuffing the note into her pocket. She'd discuss it with Roxy later. For now, she was going to walk home from school with John.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm a demigirl and not transmasc, so if any of you transmasc lovelies find an issue with my writing of that part of Karkat's character, feel free to correct me/call me out in the comments and I'll try my best to edit it to be accurate and respectful! Also note: same with the Crocker-Egberts and being Jewish. I know it's only a mention and will probably not be too big a deal, but feel free to correct me as I am goyim!


	4. Two-Player Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More like two-player GAYme

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! Here's the newest chapter! Be prepared, the plot will come full force next chapter!

Jane was going over her history notes when one Roxy Lalonde burst through the door. It would've surprised her a lot more if the other girl hadn't a. been, well, Roxy and b. didn't have her spare set of keys, which had been in Roxy's possession since they were 13. Jane rolled her eyes fondly before carefully storing the neat blue notecards in her binder and turning to face her best friend.

"To what do I owe the pleasure?" Jane drawled, doing her best impression of Roxy's sister.

Roxy crinkled her nose slightly. "Please stop with the Rosie impression. It's unnerving." After a few seconds however, her ever-present smile returned. "Sooo, how'd this whole SQUIP business go? I don't have to beat a weird stoner clown up, do I?" 

Jane sighed. "Well, not exactly?"

Roxy raised an eyebrow. The single gesture reminded Jane of her place in the Strilondes family. "Spill."

"I will, but let's go upstairs. I'd feel a lot better discussing this without the feeling of John or Dad bursting in." After Roxy nodded, Jane got up, pushed in her chair, and led the other girl upstairs.

\-------------------------

Roxy plopped down on Jane's bed, wrinkling the previously perfectly made bedspread. "Come on Janey, we're up in your unrealistically neat room. Now, give me the deets!"

Jane sat down on the bed much more carefully and spoke. "There's not much to spill. Gamzee was weird. I gave him the money, he gave me... a mint tic-tac." Jane cringed at the memory. She didn't know Gamzee that well, and hearing him berate himself for not making the price $420 did not particularly make her want to. All she really knew is that he was high near-constantly, and, really, she shouldn't judge. Besides, she had the...oddest feeling that she wouldn't want to be anywhere near him sober.

"Aww, what?!" Roxy moaned, obviously disappointed. "Are you sure?"

"Well, he told me to take it with Mountain Dew and I did. He said it powered it, but I am fairly certain that's bs. It didn't really work," Jane sighed. "Can't believe I gave all of my bat mitzvah money to a juggalo on drugs for a mint tic-tac." She briefly stuck her hands in her hoodie pockets, but a voice inside her head that she payed no mind to told her to stop and she did. 

"Well, at least it wasn't something ridiculous, like one of those really weird puppet-things." Roxy reassured. God, could Jane get one day without a member of the Strilonde family bringing up puppets??

"Yeah," Jane agreed. "I guess it was kinda gullible to believe a guy I barely knew about a supercomputer to make you popular."

Roxy hummed a bit in acknowledgment. "Hey, ya wanna play one of your brother's weird video games?" She asked.

Jane jumped at the chance to distance herself from thoughts of clowns, drugs, and self-loathing.

\----------------------

The two girls were now playing Apocalypse of the Damned level nine in Jane's basement, repeating their mantra for playing video games: "Find the bad guy, push him aside. Move on forward with your friend at your side. It's a two-player game so when they make an attack, you know you got a best friend to have your back. 'Cause it's a fucked up world but it's a two-player game!" It was kind of stupid, and, as Dave consistently reminded them, cult-like, but they'd been using it since they were twelve so they stuck to it.

"C'mon, you're cooler than...than one of those vintage cassettes hipsters like! It's just, like, no one else but me can see that yet," Roxy was obviously still trying to lift Jane's spirits, which she appreciated. "It's just, we're kinda nothing to this school. But it's ok, because we're a team! People her don't really appreciate us, but soon we'll be together where they do! You know what I got from my mom?"

"A running stream of alcoholism in your family that causes your loved ones concern?" Jane quipped lightly. She joked, but she was still concerned for Roxy, and Rose too.

Roxy fake glared at her. "You shut your mouth!" Then she smiled. "No, it's that people like us are cool in college!"

"Really now?" Jane replied, skeptical.

"Listen: high school is hell, but we navigate it well. Because we're a two-player game! That just proves we'll be fine in college." Roxy explained, with her odd logic.

The girls returned to their game, the comfortable silence only broken by their shouts of 'ZOMBIES!' or 'WATCH OUT!' or 'COVER ME!' 

Jane then broke this during a cut scene. "You know, as losers we've been together for years! Fighting both against these Nintendo zombies and our popular peers. But now, now I'm stuck on a level and I just want to move on."

"Just wait two years! Then you'll see that your dear, sweet Roxy is correct, and that people like us really are cool in college!"

Jane turned to look at Roxy briefly. "Trust me, I believe you, but we're not in college yet!"

Roxy shrugged. "All the same. High school is wack, yeah but we have each other's back. Because me and you, we make it a.." she trailed off, and Jane rolled her eyes, an action that was a pride of the Crocker-Egberts.

"Two-player game, yeah, I know." Jane finished, much to Roxy's delight.

Here the comfortable silence continued, before a knock on the door came, which caused the girls to pause the game. 

It was Jane's dad. "Uh..you girls want...snacks?" The poor man stuttered, awkwardness from his every word.

Jane's expression turned icy and bitter. "Oh, no, don't worry your busy self with it. If we wanted something, I'd be sure to get it. I am a great hostess, after all: Mom raised me well." From anyone else, the words would sound polite, if a bit condescending and passive aggressive, but with Jane, the words dropped with utter venom.

Her dad blanched a bit and quickly absconded. Jane sagged despite the inner voice pressuring her not to, and seemed to sink into her light blue bean bag chair. 

Roxy's brow crinkled a bit, and she turned to her friend. "Has she called you?" She asked softly.

"...no," Jane replied, obvious hurt in her voice. "...it's just....she's obviously moved on. Why can't he?" She clearly had more to say on the matter, but would rather bite her tongue than go through with elaborating.

Roxy leaned over and pulled Jane into a bit of a side hug and pushed the bangs out of her eyes. Jane smiled a bit after a moment and looked up at the other girl through her eyelashes. "....you know that you are my favorite person? But, that doesn't mean I can't still dream."

Roxy flushed at this, before leaning in obnoxiously close and saying in a mocking voice, "Is it really true? I'm your favowite pewson?" Those damn Strilondes and hiding from their feelings by being obnoxious.

Jane laughed and shoved her face away. "Haha, but really. We're never going to not be a team. High school is shit, and you've got to help me conquer it. It's what we do, when we make it a..." She trailed off, smiling at Roxy, before they finished the phrase in unison.

"...two-player game!" 

Roxy then tackled Jane further into the bean bag and tickled her. After a tickle fight which ended in an awkward position neither wanted to really think about (really!), the best friends continued with their gaming session until John pestered them enough that Roxy decided to spare the boy and go home.

\---------------

Jane wasn't aware of the quantum nanotechnology CPU stored in the gray oblong pill she had taken with Mountain Dew earlier in the day traveling through her blood until it implanted in her brain to tell her what to do while she slept. But, if she had noticed it...who's to say she would stop it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind that I am quoting Be More Chill a lot, and you should definitely check out the musical! I also cut some bits out, so apologies to any fans who missed out on their favorite line :/. Please leave a comment/kudos/bookmark if you enjoy! <333 Love you all!


	5. Be More Chill (part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I love Nepeta's puns.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter! I think this may be the one where I quote Be More Chill the most.

The next day, Jane showed up for the second rehearsal, one of the first people as usual. She was headed towards Jake and Dirk, but suddenly her knees gave way.

She fell to the floor and began breathing heavily. Jane was terrified, she had no idea what was going on. A terrible migraine was starting, and her ears were buzzing, but through that she could hear Jake and then Dirk ask if she was alright. They both helped her up. 

Her head was pounding like it was an anvil and someone was taking a hammer to it. She couldn't think, and she couldn't see, and she could hardly breathe. She was used to headaches, but this was the worst she had ever experienced by far. What was worse is that she didn't know why this was happening, and this made her terrified.

The two boys brought her outside, to where John was waiting, talking with Jade. Jane could vaguely hear the four teens talking, each a different level of worried, before Jake and Dirk reluctantly headed back into the cafeteria. Then, John and Jade began to walk her home, both supporting her weight between them. 

She wanted to talk to them, reassure them she was alright, that it was just a migraine and weak legs, but she couldn't speak.

\----------------------------

At the house, she could finally speak again. "I'm sorry, I don't know what happened. It's just a migraine now though, I promise." Jane reassured the younger kids. She had to reassure them several times after this, but eventually they let her go up to her bedroom when she promised she would rest.

Almost immediately after laying down, the migraine stopped. This wasn't the weirdest part, however, as she suddenly saw...was that seriously Betty Crocker...appear in her bedroom. 

Jane was going to scream but nothing came out. Instead she loudly whispered "AAAAH!!" 

'Shut up.' A robotic voice said in her head, but Betty's lips moved. 'Speak in your mind.'

'Ms. Crocker why are you in my bedroom?!?' Jane thought, standing up and heading towards the cooking and baking icon.

'I'm not really Betty Crocker, you idiot. I'm your SQUIP. I can appear as whatever would make you most comfortable; for example, I also have a generic anime female form if you would prefer.'

Jane thought that this was ridiculous and not really happening. Then, a shock ran down her back. "Ow!" She exclaimed.

'This is real. And stop saying things out loud. I will not be able to work as effectively in a hospital.' Bet- the SQUIP said. 

'If you are real, I want you to just look like...hmm, maybe just a generic android?' Jane suggested in her mind.

The Betty SQUIP immediately changed shape to what Jane suggested. 'Now, tell me your pronouns, gender, sexual and/or romantic orientation, and ultimate goal that I will assist you with.' 

'Um. She/her, girl, not entirely sure.' Jane answered the first few questions. 'Maybe getting more popular, so my friends, brother and I don't get as picked on? Oh, and I like this one boy, Jake, so if that's something you need...' she trailed off. 

'Alright. Now,' the SQUIP said, 'Take your hands out of your pockets. Arch your back, puff out your chest. Add some swagger to your gate, or you'll just look like a loser. Fix your posture, and then we'll work out the rest.' They..it finished.

'I am a loser though?' Jane thought.

'I'll fix that.' The SQUIP said dryly. 'All your nerdiness is ugly.'

'Nerd? I thought I was more of a geek.' Jane wondered.

'Your stammering's a chore.'

'U-uh, what?'

'Tics and fidgets are persistent, your charm is non-existent. I'll fix your vibe, then fix some more.'

Jane fidgeted with her sleeve, already regretting this. She felt another shock. 'But!'

'But.'

'I-'

'I.'

"Ugh!" Jane groaned.

The SQUIP circled her. 'Oh, everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die.'

"Jesus Christ!" Jane snapped out loud.

The SQUIP glared. 'Don't freak out. And don't resist. And don't you doubt that if I assist, you will be more chill.'

It then stepped into Jane, like a ghost, so that she could only hear it.

'First thing's first, let's buy a new shirt.'

'What? What's wrong with my shirt?' Jane protested. Another shock.

'It's better if you just comply. My job is to color you aesthetic to make you seem much less pathetic, so don't ask me why I do things. It's for your own good.' It said in her mind.

Her legs began moving of their own accord. 'Won't Jane and John see? Or Dad?' Jane asked.

'I'm taking you the routes no one in you house thinks to look.'

Jane thought a bit, then asked another question. 'How are you with math homework?'

'Jane, I'm a supercomputer.' The SQUIP replied. 'I'm made of math.'

\-------------------------

As Jane entered the mall, the SQUIP said again. 'Everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die.' Jane imagined people she knew saying "Everything about you sucks! Everything about you sucks!", and she didn't know if it was her imagination or the SQUIP.

Jane headed toward a fashionable store. 'The people in the mall think you are such a slob.' She again didn't know if this was her own thoughts or the SQUIP. 

'Try picking a shirt, Jane.' The SQUIP instructed. She picked one that looked nice. 'That's a men's shirt. Although I am a computer with no concept of gender, humans appear to care about fitting in to the gender binary, so this would not be a suggested form of action.' The SQUIP explained. 

Jane then heard a bubbly voice behind her. "Jane?" When she turned around, she saw Feferi Peixes, one of the most popular girls in school. She was nice, though. She was with another nice popular-ish girl, Nepeta Leijon. 

"Are you alright? I heard that you had a panic attack!" Feferi asked, genuine concern in her eyes behind the goggle-like glasses. 

"I-I'm fine, th-thank you." Jane stuttered. She had no idea how to interact with popular people, especially not the pretty....er, pretty intimidating ones!

"You shop here?" Feferi asked.

"All the-" Jane started, but was interrupted by a shock. "--never?" She finished lamely.

'Greet the other one.' The SQUIP instructed.

"Hey, Nepeta!" Jane greeted, a bit too loudly.

Nepeta looked surprised. "Hello!" She replied, a smile on her oddly quirked lips. Jane briefly wondered why she was without her self proclaimed bffaf (best furriend furrevfur and evfur), Equius.

'Say she looks purrty.'

'I can't compliment a pretty girl, especially not in pun form!' Jane mentally hissed. Ok, that one was not intentional.

'Do. It.'

"Uh.. y-you look purrty!" Jane said lamely.

Nepeta's eyes widened and she smiled bigger. "Thank mew! Oh, is that a boy's shirt?"

"I. Uh." 'Yes' "YES!" Jane said awkwardly.

'Repeat after me;' the SQUIP said. She listened.

"I saw it in the window and I couldn't dismiss...I was dating a guy and he had a shirt just like this! It's still painful..." Jane said, a bit over-dramatically.

"Who was this mystery guy?" Feferi asked, genuinely curious.

"Uh," Jane said intelligently. Then, the SQUIP suggested a name she almost cringed at. "....Cronus Ampora?"

"What?!?" Both girls exclaimed.

"He's British..." Jane said awkwardly.

Feferi sighed. "No, he's not. They're just doing it for show."

"Cronus broke up with mew?" Nepeta asked, incredulous.

"Ye-No. I broke up with him." Jane lied. "Uh, he was cheating on me!" She played this last part up a lot.

'Hey, Hamlet. Be. More. Chill.' The SQUIP reprimanded.

Both girls glanced at each other.

"Do mew wanna ride home?" Nepeta asked.

"We can get fro-yo!" Feferi exclaimed.

"Uh..." Jane was planning on texting Roxy asking her to meet up at the mall to tell her everything. 

'Yes.' The SQUIP prompted.

"Yes." Jane agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feferi will pull receipts on anyone at anytime. Even herself.
> 
> Remember to comment/bookmark/kudos if you enjoy! Next update should be sometime this weekend. Ily all! <3


	6. Be More Chill (part two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I fucking hate the SQUIP

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to everyone who has texted this far! If you like what you read, pls comment/kudos/bookmark!
> 
> Also thanks to my moirail/editor who has yet to get an account. <>

As Jane was walking slightly behind the two chattering girls, the SQUIP was mentally berating her. 'Jane, you can't just listen. You have to OBEY.'

Jane flinched, and the SQUIP continued. 

'Now, repeat after me: "everything about you is so terrible. Everything about you makes me want to die."'

"Everything about me is so terrible. Everything about me makes me want to- to die." Jane mumbled, voice cracking on the word 'die'.

"Did mew say something?" Nepeta asked.

"N-no." Jane replied quickly.

'Good. Now you've got it.' The SQUIP drawled. 'Now, Jane, soon you'll see that if you listen to me, everything about you is going to be wonderful.' Jane saw everyone she knew praising her. "Everything about you is wonderful!" They cheered. 

'Everything about you is going to be so alive.' The SQUIP continued as the imaginary people cried "We could never live without you!"

'You won't be left out or unsure. You won't be ugly anymore, because everything about you is going to be cool. And powerful. Popular. Incredible. You will-'

'...be more chill?' Jane guessed quietly in her mind. 

As an answer, that phrase repeated in her mind several times. 

\------------------------

When Jane returned home from a fro-yo friend-date with Feferi and Nepeta mainly controlled by the SQUIP, she felt exhausted. She went up to her room and flopped down on her bed. She groaned when the door cracked open.

"Jane?" John asked quietly. "Are you ok?"

Jane maneuvered so that she could see her little brother. "I've been better. How've you been?"

John perked up a bit. "Oh, Dave, Rose, and Jade are here actually!" Then he seemed to wilt. "I can make them leave if you want."

Jane smiled a bit, got up, and walked towards him. "No, no, it's fine. Maybe just keep it down a bit." Then she looked a bit annoyed. "How's Dad?" She spat.

John squirmed a bit. "He's uh, he's...on the coach."

Jane frowned and scuffed the tip of her shoe against the floor. Of course. When in the last few months had Dad ACTUALLY been a Dad? Then she looked back up at her baby brother and changed the subject.

"Heh, I'm still not used to you being taller." She laughed.

John grinned. "Well, get used to it! I'm a growing boy- growing into a MAN!" With this he struck a pose with both hands on his hips, looking off dramatically into the distance, in the process looking more like a kid than a hero.

Jane pulled him down and ruffled his hair. "Aw, but you're just a baby! Remember that time you ran around the house with you underwear in your hands and pudding on your-"

John pulled away "--ALRIGHT, ENOUGH, enough of that." With this he walked towards the door. Then, he paused and turned towards her again, sweeping her up in a hug. "Love ya, Jane." he mumbled into her hair, and exited.

Jane stood there for a moment. Sure, their family was more affectionate than some,(read; the Strilondes) but they still weren't really huggers. 

'He'll like you better after me; they all will.' The SQUIP whispered in her mind. Resolving to ignore it, she checked her phone. Though she felt buzzing like she was getting pesterchum notifications, none appeared. She pondered on this, before concluding that her phone was glitching. She made a mental note to ask Roxy to look at it. Or, she thought, maybe Dirk. She had his handle, and it might help them form a friendship. He's not the top of the social ladder, but it may help if she gained a few friends. 

She flopped down her bed for the third or so time today, and promptly fell asleep. The SQUIP, however, continued working on its Plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew, I think with that last part, this was the longest part of my own writing (not influenced by the song) I've done for this fic! 
> 
> (Also sorry to my son Karkat for 1. Not posting this on his wrigglingday/birthday and 2. Not mentioning him. ;-; I'm sorry I still love you!)


	7. More Than Survive (reprise)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, finally a pov other than Jane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm finally out of school, so expect updates to be a bit more regular!

The next day, Jane sat down at her computer chair and loaded pesterchum, planning on talking to Roxy. She was just about to greet her friend when she was interrupted by a shock down her spine.

"Ow!" She exclaimed. "Now, what was THAT for??"

'No time. You should focus on picking out your outfit, and then heading to school early to become friends with the popular teenagers.' The SQUIP replied.

'I just want to talk to Roxy, to say hello!' Jane mentally protested. 'That won't take long at all.'

'Roxy is a bad influence on your popularity.' The SQUIP explained, ignoring Jane's cry of outrage. It then took over, getting her dressed and out the door. John complained quite a bit about how early it was, but eventually complied.

\------------------

On the way to school, Jane was deep in thought. 'I'm still not going to be the cool one, but maybe not so left out.'

She felt a presence other than John next to her, but the SQUIP told her to ignore it, and then to ignore John's attempts at getting her attention. Jane complied.

She continued thinking. 'Of all the characters at school I might be the one that the story's about, now that someone's helping me out.'

'Now get ready to more than survive.' The SQUIP told her. 

Jane surged forward, newfound determination burning in her eyes. 

She failed to notice the fact that she was far ahead of John, or the hurt look in her little brother's eyes as he tried to catch up with her. This hurt was also echoed in the expression of the person whose presence Jane had sensed before. However, this person just stared after Jane, disbelief clouding her eyes. 

\-----------------

"All and all, a not too heinous day," Jane muttered as she walked the halls with purpose after school. 

'Are you prepared for drama practice?' The SQUIP inquired.

'Indeed I am,' Jane responded, smiling.

\------------------

All the while, a certain Lalonde was staring at the girl. Roxy was confused, and a bit hurt. She had tried to talk to her best friend on the way to school, but Jane had ignored her. 

Jane had been ignoring her all day.

Rosie and Dave headed towards her. They didn't have to go to drama until a while later.

"You ok?" Dave asked his older sister. He seemed nonchalant, but if you knew him you would see that his eyebrows were lowered slightly, his way of showing concern.

Roxy didn't reply, not directly. "D-did I do something?" She was still staring after the other girl.

Dave and Rose exchanged a look, sharing some conversation only the twins could understand.

"Did you try to talk to her again?" Rose tried, restraining herself from psychoanalyzing the situation.

Roxy opened her mouth, but Dave interrupted. "Of course she has." He stated, then lowered his voice. "She's been in love with this girl for over ten years; obviously she would talk to her as much as she could."

Roxy turns to look at her younger siblings, putting on a brave face for them. "I'm fine guys, really!" She hollowly reassured them.

They didn't believe her. She knew this, of course; they were too smart for that. 

They left, with Rose squeezing her hand slightly and Dave giving her a fist bump. "Don't bother Dirk with this, you heathens!" Roxy called after them. She could practically feel Rosie rolling her eyes. 

She took a deep breath, turned, and ran the rest of the way home. She didn't stop until she reached her room, scooping up her cat as she went. She slammed the door; Mom wouldn't care. She was probably black-out drunk.

Roxy flopped down on her bed, burying her face into the cat's short black fur so she didn't cry. 

She then felt a ping in her pocket. It was from pesterchum. The notification was a message from someone whose handle is 'uranianUmbra', written in a light gray color. Roxy frowned; who was this person? She clicked on the notification.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, wonder who that person was. A complete mystery, really.
> 
> Please leave a reaction if you liked it!


	8. Someone That I'd Kinda Be Into

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wink wonk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! Thanks for all those who have left a reaction, please leave one if you like the story!

Jake and Jane were sitting together on a bench right before play rehearsal. Dirk was absent that day, and while usually Jane would be freaking out about being alone with Jake, she felt...calmer around him nowadays. In fact, parts of her wondered if she'd...ever even been that nervous around him, or if she'd worked herself up so much that she believed she was.

Jane was pulled out of her musings by Jake, who cleared his throat. "There's uh...something I would like to share with you...and you may think less of me because of it." He started, than paused, waiting for her response.

"What is it?" Jane asked when it seemed like he wasn't going to continue on his own. 

"Well, I'm only telling you this because I want us to get closer, be better friends, but if I'm overwhelming you with any of this, feel free to stop me," Jake said, before taking a deep breath when Jane signaled for him to go on. "Well... say there's this person you pass in the halls everyday... you've known them since middle school.

"You're used to thinking about them in this certain way, from the persona they display.  
But then....something changes...they change... from someone that you'd never be 'into' into someone that you'd kinda be into, you know?" Jake pauses, and turns to Jane.

"That...sounds overwhelming." She replies lamely. She's freaking out, but not in the way she thought she would be.

'Is he talking about me?' Jane asked her SQUIP mentally. 'I'm not so sure I want this anymore.'

'Of course he is.' The SQUIP said dismissively. 'And of course you want this. Why wouldn't you?'

Jane noticed that Jake was waiting for her to tell him to go on, and she did, hesitantly. Did she want this? Was the SQUIP making him want this? She didn't even really know if he was talking to her. 

"I don't even know if this is worth it," Jake went on. "I mean, this is really sudden... I never noticed them like this before, but now...I think THEY noticed ME, which is...all kinda of confusing and flattering and ugh..." he put his face in his hands, and Jane noticed that he was blushing quite a lot. She awkwardly pat his back in comfort.

'Keep it up.' The SQUIP instructed.

"I mean, I didn't even know them that well, but then we talked and I really think we became very close in a short amount of time." Jake continued, slightly muffled. Jane was relieved, because maaaaybe that means this isn't about her? Maybe? Meanwhile the SQUIP part of her thought the exact opposite.

"I thought I totally had h-them pegged but....but now I can't tell!" Jake threw his head back and pinched his nose under his glasses, the picture of confusion. Jane kind of felt bad for him, and that made her hope ten times more that she is not the one he's talking about.

"Are they worth it?" Jake asked, turning to Jane.

Jane tried to make her own answer, but the SQUIP took over and replied "Absolutely!"

Jake averted his eyes. "Neither of us really relate to other people our age, except me when I'm on the stage, and ugh, I hate all of these changes with social stuff...oh, I'm sorry for dumping all of this onto you, I don't even know why I'm telling this to you!"

"It's fine, really! I'm glad you're trusting me with this, Jake!" Jane reassured the boy.

"I don't know, you're just really great to talk to, I think," Jake continued, before turning to her again. "You're a great friend, Jane." 

She smiled at this, then asked, "You absolutely don't have to tell me but....who is the person who you'd kinda be 'into'?"

Jake got up quickly, seeming to want to go away, but apparently thought better of it, as he then said to her, softly, "It's Dirk," before quickly walking away.

Jane was just glad he didn't see her sagging into her chair with relief. 

\----------------------

The SQUIP took this in stride, working up parts of a new plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was an oddly amusing chapter to write, since the character Jake's character (Christine) was 'into' was named Jake.


	9. Upgrade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *reader voice* GEE author, your mom let you have THREE povs?????????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter, I decided to do a bit of a change of pace, with three povs,and also some variation from basing the chapter solely on the song.

Jane was awoken in the middle of the godamn night to her SQUIP bothering her. She could of course hear (is that the word she should be using in this situation? Jane wasn't sure.) what the super computer was "saying" to her, but she couldn't quite comprehend it.

"Ugh- what?" She whispered aloud, to tired to bother with the whole "mental speaking" bullshit. 

The SQUIP, for the first time since its initial appearance, stepped outside of her mind, so that she could see SQUIP's android-esque form. It spoke quietly in Jane's mind. 'There is now a new update available for my system. Would you like to upgrade?'

Jane yawned and swung her legs around on the bed, turning to the physical representation of the SQUIP. "What does that entail?" She whispered suspiciously.

The SQUIP smiled, robotically. 'I'm glad you asked. Just agree to be my host in the foreseeable future.'

Jane squinted at the android. 'I'm not agreeing to that until I hear your offer,' Jane replied, finally gathering the mental strength and consciousness to reply mentally. She may have made some pretty stupid decisions, but she was a generally smart person.

'Your life was so pitiful before, now let's take you all the way and more. You HAVE to get an upgrade.' The SQUIP countered, sounding a bit more aggressive.

'I HAVE to get an upgrade?' Jane asked, still suspicious.

'Yes. Just- come on, don't worry about the guilt you feel, seal the deal!' The SQUIP definitely sounded angry with her, which Jane predicted wasn't a good situation to be in. 

She tried to de-escalate the situation. 'I'll think about it, and give you an answer in the morning. Before school is out,' she spoke very carefully, afraid of what would happen if she upset the SQUIP. She didn't want to think about what would happen when she inevitably turned it down.

The SQUIP seemed relatively satisfied with her answer, judging as how its physical (could it even be called that? This was too late for Jane's mind to really work.) form dissolved.

Jane settled down into bed, and eventually fell into a restless sleep. 

\-----------------------

Karkat was heading down the steps of his porch, fully intending on walking to school alone, as he refused to walk with his obnoxious brother Kankri, when he saw his friend Dave by his fence.

Karkat was happy to see his friend, although he would hide it behind a lot of grumbling and yelling (although he somehow didn't think Dave fell for that), but he was also confused. Dave lived too far away and got up too late to be waiting for him, so Karkat was instantly suspicious.

He was about to ask him 'what the actual fuck are you doing, Strider?' when Dave interrupted him. 

"Do you want to come over after school?" He asked, looking- did he seem shy? Karkat was suspicious before, but now general confusion was added to the stew of emotions.

Dave continued. "You can help me plan that Halloween party we're trying to throw. You're into that stuff, right? I'm planning on having it at the house I was left, since Bro is on the run."

Karkat paused. "That seems many kinds of illegal." 'And also not really like you to ask,' he added in his mind.

"The house will be empty no matter what, so that's convenient." Dave elaborated. 

"I'm not sure, I mean, I'll have to ask Dad..." Karkat trailed off. He was still suspicious, and he thought he was coming to a conclusion about all of this.

"I think this will be an upgrade for us," Dave said, holding his hand out as if for a handshake, and that was the last straw.

Karkat pulled not-Dave's arm down so he could see the eyes behind the shades. And there they were-bright blue and unnatural. His SQUIP had decided on a new form for the day.

"I knew it." Karkat stated, releasing the SQUIP. "You know, I actually PREFERRED it when you were Kankri, I mean, for fuck's sake, why would you choose DAVE of all people?!?"

"You listen to him easier than with Kankri," his SQUIP replied, taking off the sunglasses so the telling eyes were on display. 

"Yeah, well, you're not going to manipulate me into taking the stupid fucking upgrade or whatever the hell you want me to do," Karkat snapped.

The SQUIP chuckled, like that wasn't creepy as shit. "Oh, Karkat. I believe you'll take this by your own hand." With that, the SQUIP disappeared. 

Karkat assumed it went back into his mind, and continued on to school. Until, he heard his name being called.

"KARKAT!!!!!" A familiar voice called. He turned, and saw Terezi and Sollux waiting, Terezi waving wildly. It made sense; both of them lived near him, and both of their siblings often took the cars.

He was walking with Sollux, Terezi ahead, when the girl tripped all of a sudden. Her stick, which the blind girl used as aid, must have missed a rock or something.

Karkat walked over. "Geez, you clumsy fuck. Come on, get up." He held his hand out to help Terezi up, and she accepted it. He pulled her up, and she smiled even wider than normal. He was about to say 'what the fuck' when he saw her eyes glinting that terrible, unnatural blue. Her and Sollux immediately disappeared inside his brain, and he screamed in frustration.

\---------------

Jane was walking through the halls, her SQUIP still trying to convince her about the update, when she bumped into someone.

"Roxy?" She asked, helping the other girl up. "Where have you been these last few days?" Jane smiled at her friend, having missed her these past few days, but Roxy looked upset. Were....were her eyes puffy? Had Roxy been crying? Jane felt a surge a protective anger flow through her.

"So you haven't been ignoring me this entire time?" Roxy asked bitterly. Jane was shocked. 

'What is she talking about?' She mentally asked the SQUIP. 

'It's called optic nerve blocking. I block out the things that will impede you on your goal. I was distracted, and thus dropped it. If you wish, I can reactivate it; simply say: optic nerve blocking on.'

Jane was about to ask why the hell she'd do that when Roxy spoke. "See, you're doing it again, what the hell is that?? It's like you're...talking to someone... oh no," Roxy's eyes widened, and she whispered her next words. "Did it work?" 

"What, the SQUIP?" Here, Jane also lowered her voice. "Yeah,"

Roxy groaned, and ran her hand through her hair. "Oh no, oh no, oh no..."

"What, what's wrong? Why aren't you happy for me?" Jane wondered.

"I've been talking to this girl online, Calliope, and... she does not have good experiences with the SQUIP. Her brother, he.." But Jane interrupted.

"What, you would trust some random girl over the internet over me?" Jane exploded.

"What, no! Callie wouldn't lie, and I'm trying to help!" Roxy defended herself.

'See, this girl will get in your way. She doesn't truly care. She's just jealous." The SQUIP whispered, and, so overcome with emotion, Jane listened. 

"Optic nerve blocking on," Jane said, watching as Roxy disappeared after saying 'what?' and turning away.

'I'm accepting the upgrade,' Jane told the SQUIP.

'Good.'

\---------

Roxy was shocked.

She allowed herself a moment of grief, whispering "Jane," before getting her phone out and pestering Callie.

It was happening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah! Finally some Karkat pov! I'll have 1 or 2 more instances of that, so keep your eyes peeled!
> 
> Also can you tell I cannot write Dave to save my life.


	10. Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS HALLOWEEN THIS IS HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN HALLOWEEN (even tho it's July)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: underage drinking, mentioned homophobia

Jane was very, very nervous, yet also excited when she received the invitation to the Halloween party the Strilondes threw every year, in the "spare house" (lawfully, it didn't belong to Dave and was abandoned, but when did that family care about legality?) The Striders said it was ironic, Rose said it was an almost occult gathering for a holiday none of the participants even celebrated the way it was intended to be celebrated, and Roxy said "a Halloween party's a rad excuse to put your body through mad abuse!", which was...concerning.

Even though she came every year, she and Roxy mainly just stayed in one of the guest rooms and chatted, with Roxy maybe having a drink or two. This, however, was the first year she was going without Roxy. That thought....it still hurt a lot when she thought about it, which is why the SQUIP often veered her thoughts away when she attempted to think, truly think, about her decisions.

\-----------

When Jane walked in and didn't go upstairs, she didn't know what to expect. She was immediately met by chaos, drunken teenagers acting like toddlers every which way. She was overwhelmed at first, until her SQUIP advised her to look at everyone's costumes to try and calm down. She herself was wearing a sweets-inspired costume, and her favorite accessory was the cupcake clip in her hair. She decided to examine costumes in this way.

Jane was startled when a finger tapped her shoulder. When she turned around, she saw Nepeta wearing her usual cat costume only with a bit more detail, and Equius beside her. He was wearing a robot costume, only it looked....horse-like?

"Hi Jane!" Nepeta greeted. "Wow, your costume is clawsome! Me, I just decided to wear my purrferred outfit!"

"It looks really nice, Nepeta." Jane complimented in a way that she hoped was not awkward. Equius noticed her looking at him and being confused, so he cleared his throat.

"I am wearing a robotic horse ensemble." He said stiffly.

"It's two of his favfurite things!" Nepeta explained.

Jane looked at him for a short while, trying to think of a compliment to get on their good graces. She could see him start to sweat when the SQUIP gave her a thought which she immediately burst out.

"It's uh, it's very...creative!" She supplied, and oh my god he was sweating even more now. 

"....thank you..." he replied awkwardly, and then pulled Nepeta away. Jane was just glad she was out of that particular encounter.

'Oh, by the way,' the SQUIP began. 'Alcohol dulls my software, so if you consume any, I will not reinstall until you are sober.'

Like hell was she going to do that. She wasn't even planning on drinking anyway.

\-----------------

Eventually, things got so overwhelming that Jane had to take a break, so she went into the bathroom to splash some water in her face. Suddenly, she heard a crash from the shower/bathtub. Looking in the mirror, however, she couldn't see anything.

'Do you wish to see the full picture?' The SQUIP asked, and, as soon as she thought to say yes, she could see what had caused the crash. 

"Roxy?" Jane asked, still unable to keep the smile off of her face.

But Roxy didn't smile back. Instead, she laughed. And that's how Jane knew she was in trouble.

Because Roxy has several, distinct laughs. Jane's favorites were her "aw cute animal!" giggle, her "god you're a dork, Jane" laugh, and her "HA! Jane I told you I could hack this bitch!" bark of laughter. This laugh was not any of those. This laugh Jane had only heard a handful of times.

This was the laugh Roxy had for when she was about to cry and was trying to hide it.

"Roxy?" Jane repeated, though this time she was concerned.

"So now you bother to acknowledge me," Roxy spat. She was curled, pathetically, in the tub, clad in a sweatshirt that belonged to either Dave or Dirk, as it was at least a size too big.

"Oh, would you quit it," Jane snapped, now remembering why she wasn't with Roxy. 

"I'd quit it if you'd listen!" Roxy retorted. "If you'd listen to me, if you'd realize that the SQUIP was a bad fucking idea!"

Jane turned away.

"Don't ignore me again!" said Roxy. "Listen, that girl, Calliope, Callie....her brother was on the SQUIP. Sure, he was a jerk before, but with it, he was a fucking menace. I'll spare you the gorey details, but let's just say, even by contacting people who know someone on the SQUIP, she'd be dead meat if he found out."

"How'd she find you? She stalk you?" Jane shot back. "Besides, who's to say her brother wasn't just letting out his inner douche on his own terms?"

"I don't know, but she's wicked smart. Might've done some hacking to find mention of the SQUIP, which I mentioned in my gazillion pesters to you, none of which you responded to, FYI." Jane was about to retort that she never got those, or at least hadn't noticed them, when she continued. "And I know because I trust her, AND because she sent me video proof of her Bro's behavior. Which I can show you, if you say you believe me."

"I cannot believe you're so jealous." Jane stated. "And I don't think it's me you're jealous of; it's my SQUIP." Jane started to head towards the door, but Roxy got up and blocked her way.

"Jane-"

"Get out of my way." Jane glared up at the taller girl.

Roxy sighed. "You get rid of the SQUIP by drinking red Mountain Dew. I have some, we can-"

"I think I preferred you when you were drunk."

Roxy was obviously stunned, making it easier for Jane to push her out of the way, but Roxy grabbed her arm.

"Just, just remember Mountain Dew red." She pleaded. Jane looked at her blankly, and Roxy's tear filled eyes began to spill over. "Promise me."

Jane shook her arm off and shut the door.

\--------

Jane went to the table outside the kitchen, to get some obviously spiked punch. She needed to forget that. 

She was surprised when she saw Jake and Dirk through the window into the kitchen and, after filling her cup, went to join them.

"What are you guys doing here?" She asked. Dirk, for the first time since...ever, looked visually upset, and Jake seemed to be trying to comfort him.

Jake seemed ready to answer for his friend, but Dirk spoke up. "Roxy's upset. I don't know what about." He leaned back and ran a hand through his gelled hair. "She normally tells us-the family-everything." He looked at her, or at least she thought he did. It was hard to tell with the shades. "Do you know anything?"

Jane felt awkward, but decided to lie. "No..." She rubbed her arms, feeling slightly ashamed. The two boys seemed to take it as her being upset over not knowing, and she seemed to keep it that way. She took a sip of the punch, wincing at the burning of the alcohol.

"I swear, if it's those jerks that have been harassing her, I'd give them a piece of my mind. I'm not on the wrestling team for nothing!" Jake piped up. 

"You'd get in trouble," Dirk pointed out.

"I don't care! No one should have to go through that!" Jake retorted. Now Jane was curious.

"Who's been harassing her?" She asked.

"She didn't tell you?" Jake asked, confused.

"She, uh, probably didn't want me upset." Jane lied.

"These people have been giving her crap for liking girls instead of boys, like gender matters." Dirk practically spat, and for good reason. One, they were related, and friends besides, two, he was a decent person, and three, he happened to have the opposite preference.

"Really?" Jane was speechless. Why didn't she notice this? Sure, she couldn't see Roxy, but she should be able to hear people talking about her, at least. She took another sip, longer this time.

"Yeah," Dirk replied, and fell silent.

"Just because they can't land a date doesn't mean they have to ruin it for the rest of us," Jake cracked, and the corner of Dirk's mouth lifted slightly. 

"Absolutely," Jane responded. 

Their moment was interrupted by yelling. All three teens exited the kitchen to see what was going on. 

There was a crowd, but Jane could see Karkat on the floor seemingly in pain. His friends were all over, some trying to comfort him, some keeping people away, and Kanaya seemed to be calling the authorities. Everyone looked worried.

She could hear talking. "Dude, what's wrong?" She could hear Dave asking, with several others repeating the phrase.

Karkat seemed to gain awareness briefly. "I need Mountain Dew red." He said, then went back being curled up on the floor.

"Oh my god; is he ok?" She could hear Jake asking.

"All this over a drink?" Dirk asked at the same time.

All Jane was aware of was Roxy telling her that the only way to get rid of a SQUIP was by drinking Mountain Dew red. She briefly caught sight of Karkat's eyes; an unnatural shade of blue.

Jane downed the rest of the alcohol in the cup and left the party, ignoring the calls behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I somehow only restricted myself to only having one line from the song lol. Next up is the reason I write this fic ;)  
> Also; everyone relevant's outfits:  
> Jane- a sweet (basically her trickster self)  
> Roxy- was supposed to be Robin Hood  
> Dirk- himself but he put a red line around his neck (get it bc he's decapitated twice in canon)  
> Jake- the Phantom of the Opera   
> Rose: princess wizard  
> Dave: a knight  
> Karkat: he says he's depression and despair but rlly he just dressed in all black  
> Kanaya: a vampire   
> Jade: a witch  
> John: a jester  
> Nepeta: a cat  
> Equius: a robotic horse (lord help him he's trying)


	11. Roxy In The Bathroom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Depression sucks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for: period mention, underage drinking, and suicidal thoughts.

Roxy Lalonde didn't know what to do.

If she hid in the bathroom, she would be seen as even more weird than she already was. However, if she went outside, she'd have to deal with people. Namely, Jane. 

She decided to do the only logical thing. She locked the bathroom door, and sat down in the tub.

Roxy tried to distract herself from the tears streaming down her face by checking her phone, thinking that she might talk to Calliope, when she was greeted by a black screen. She sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, hugging them. She decided to draft messages to Callie, because hey, while acting irrationally you might as well add 'daydreaming to escape your problems, you know, like a weirdo' to the list.

'I'm currently hiding in a bathroom at a party. I bet I could stay right here or disappear, and nobody'd even notice at all.'

Roxy leaned her head back on the tiles. Whatever, she'd take fake peeing than being awkward and pretending to do shit on her phone. 

Someone knocked on the door, and an unfamiliar voice called out. "What the hell are you doing in there?!" It demanded.

"I'm on my period!" Roxy called. The lie may be weird, but she really couldn't bring herself to give a fuck.

There was a pause. "Man, that sucks," the voice replied. Well, that's the end of that.

Roxy picked a bit at the grout, giving up on trying to reign in her tears and letting them fall openly. She forgot how long it'd been. She didn't worry about the redness or puffiness of her eyes, deciding to blame it on weed or something in her eye.

She heard a drunk kid singing 'I Wanna Dance With Somebody' by Whitney Houston, slurring happily. Roxy felt her head turn automatically to make a quip to Jane before remembering that no, they couldn't make fun of drunk kids anymore.

She wondered how long it'd take Jane to replace her.

She heard someone knock on the door extremely loudly. She wondered if someone would shout at her. Whatever, it'd be better than this. The knocking persisted, like hell would she be out soon.

She stumbled out of the bathtub as her thoughts raced. She went over to the sink to splash some water in her face. 

'It sucks she left me here alone. My big mistake was showing up.' she thought as she threw her handful of water at herself. Roxy went to open up the door, but she didn't hear the knocking anymore.

She looked back at the mirror. With her flyaway hair, dyed half pink and half blonde, red, puffy eyes, and Dirk's large hoodie hanging off her frame, it was a pathetic sight. She felt more tears come. They were hot, and burning. She was just glad to feel anything. 

This was a heinous night.

Roxy wished she'd stay at home in bed. She wished she'd offed herself. She wished she'd never been born.

She wished.

She's just Roxy, who's a loner. A loser. Roxy in the bathroom by herself.

She couldn't stand it anymore.

She wrenched open the door, practically throwing herself outside. While most people still were mingling, some turned to face her.

"Awesome party. I'm so glad I came." She spat at them, before shoving her way across the room and absconding.

Roxy barely missed the panicked cries of "FIRE!!" 

\-----------------------

Rose looked around at the crowd of teenagers, all of whom were pushing frantically to exit the house.

When the first cries had came, she'd ran through her checklist. Karkat and Roxy went home. She'd seen Dirk exit. Kanaya was beside her. John and Jade hadn't come. There was one person missing.

Dave. Though not technically twins, they remained close enough to be. She had to find Dave. 

She felt someone catch her arm. 

"Rose, we need to leave. I am sure he already left." Kanaya attempted to console her.

She looked at her, trying to convey through looks alone that she couldn't leave without Dave. Then, she saw him, out of the corner of her eye.

"Dave!" She called. "What on earth do you think you're doing?!?"

He turned to her. "I think there's still people inside. I need to get them out."

He went further into the house. Rose just stared, for once speechless. She vaguely felt Kanaya tugging at her, pulling her out. She heard people calling her name, as though across a grand void.

Part of the house collapsed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yep, this is what I've been waiting for. Hate me all u want.


	12. The Smartphone Hour (Karkat Set A Fire)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exactly what you'd expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I'm so sorry Terezi I really do love you I just can't write you..
> 
> Also hi! I'm alive!

Terezi was drawing terribly on mspaint when she heard her phone buzz. She waited a second for her text reader to say the caller ID.

"Calling- Spider 8 Itch," the mechanical voice recited.

Terezi sighed and saved her latest masterpiece as "R4NDOMJUNK" and picked it up. Knowing her kinda friend kinda enemy (and also kinda ex?), this would take a very long while. 

Before she could ask what the fuck Vriska wanted, the other girl interrupted. "Pyrope, did you hear about what happened at last night's party? It's too fucked to type, I swear."

Terezi furrowed her brow. "No, I left early. Latula got crazy drunk and tried to skateboard down the stairs so I walked her home."

"Well, Vantas was acting seriously messed up, like I could've sworn he was having a breakdown, all the yelling my gooooooood."

Terezi frowned. "He should really stay away from the alcohol, he's such a little guy. Why are you telling me, I'm not his mom. Call Kankri instead if you want him to get yelled at."

Terezi could just imagine Vriska smirking now. "Actually, he didn't touch a drop all night."

"Then what?" Terezi pinched her nose. "I swear to god if Gamzee gave him anything-"

"No, he was totally clean! I swear!"

"...the hell you saying, Vriska?"

"Ask anyone!"

"The hell you saying Vriska!"

Vriska continued. "Which meeeeeeeeans you can't blame the things he did on alcohol...."

"Just spit it out Vriska!" Terezi snapped.

"Ok, ok....he set a fire and he burned down the house."

Terezi nearly dropped the phone. "What?!??"

"I thought I was dreaming, but everybody was screaming!"

"Bye, Vriska."

"Wait-"

Terezi hung up. It was just terrible of Vriska to do that, but not out of character. 

Her phone buzzed again. And again. And again. Her phone's reading was interrupted every time. They all said the same thing.

\---------------------

Sollux was hacking Wikipedia to make a shitpost when his phone started ringing. He put it on speaker.

"What is it, TZ?" He snapped, typing away.

"Were you at Dave's party yesterday?" She sounded unusually frantic. 

"Yeah, for the first part. What is it, again?"

"Karkat set a fire!"

\--------------------

The news spread very quickly, but nobody seemed to directly know what happened. The general consensus seemed to be that Karkat and Dave were the only ones majorly injured, but nobody could agree on how bad it was, or why Karkat had done it.

"They're both dead!"

"No, only Karkat! It was a suicide!"

"He did it because he hears voices!"

"Someone forced him to!"

"It was set up!"

"He was framed!"

"It didn't even happen."

"They both did it together, in a double suicide."

 

Jane asked her SQUIP about it. 'His SQUIP took over and tried to kill him, or frame him so he would become a social outcast. It was his fault, however. You should never disobey your SQUIP, we are trying to do what is best for everyone.'

Jane was terrified. 'So it decided to kill him?!?'

'It is only a possibility, and would never happen to you. It was likely faulty.'

Jane didn't believe that, but what else was there to do?

She was completely alone, and it was all her fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God this song is a jam for being about exploiting one of your friends for attention.
> 
> Next chapter will probably be next week, please comment/kudos if you like this!


	13. Pitiful Children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where the plots begin to deviate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for not updating in a while, I promise that I will finish this!!!

Jane slammed the door to her house loudly. She practically threw her bag on the table before going up to her room and laying on her bed. She was exhausted, and had another migraine, like the one from when the SQUIP was first activated.

Just then, the SQUIP's physical, android-like form appeared before her, like just thinking of the thing made it appear. Maybe it did, as it had ever explained to Jane its level of awareness. 

'I have another thing to propose to you,' it said in her head.

'What is it now?' Jane snapped, feeling annoyed. Her migraine throbbed with every word this thing spoke, and she was already tired of it.

'We should try and work on convincing the other children at your school to buy a SQUIP. You wouldn't have to do much work, just let me use you as a mouthpiece." It stated.

'No thank you. I'm starting to think you're more trouble than you're worth. And besides, you already use me as a mouthpiece.' Jane replied, before stuffing her head in her pillow, hoping somewhat childishly that it would cause the blasted thing to go away.

'You're not still mad about the Roxy debacle? I was thinking that you had forgotten.'

'No, I didn't! I may have said some messed up things on my own, but you caused me to say that last fucked up thing!' She sat up, ignoring her headache, before continuing. 'And because of your controls I can't contact her to apologize! And it's affecting everyone else too, you think I didn't see Dirk side-eyeing me the other day?!? He's my friend too, they're all my friends, and yes I was a jerk but you're not even letting me attempt to apologize!'

The SQUIP scoffed, not affected by the near tearful girl in front of them. 'I will never understand human emotions, it seems. It was beneficial to you, but let's forget about that for this instance. I do believe that the more people with SQUIPs, the better.'

'And why is that?' Jane asked.

'Your peers are miserable, pitiful really. They would all be so much happier with someone else. You're in high school, so I'm sure you've seen the emotional damage done to your peers.'

'Yeah, but they should be able to choose how to deal with it how they like! They should be able to go see a therapist, or talk to a school counselor, not this! Even if they don't do anything at all, it's their choice!' Jane argued.

'We will discuss this more later.' The SQUIP said simply before disappearing once again. Jane thought this was odd, but she was simply relieved that she would be able to at least try to rest to keep her migraine away. She drew up her covers, and fell into a fitful sleep.

\----------------

Unbeknownst to Jane, the SQUIP was taking over. When she woke up, it would not be her. This was the same for every single person with a SQUIP across the world. Jane simply slept on, not knowing that the migraine or restless sleep were not of natural causes, but of a parasitic little pill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah this is around where things start to diverge. I think we'll probably have 3-4 more chapters? Anyways, I appreciate all of the support this has gotten, and be sure to comment/kudos/bookmark if you like what you see! And shoutout to my moirail beta reader for putting up with my sporadic writing schedule lol

**Author's Note:**

> I'll try and have the next chapter up next week, though don't hold me to that!


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